Right now I really don’t care about anything, and it feels so good. I’ve always been really uptight and serious and I had to have everything together, but now I go with the flow of things. I’m spontaneous and I like the person I am. But I don’t know if I so much like the person I am, as much as I like how I am when I’m with Junior. He was one of the most unexpected and spontaneous new things in my life and I think that’s why he does it for me. It’s not that I’ve ever been treated wrong or anything because that’s totally not the case, but when he does sweet things for me, it doesn’t make me cringe like how I have before in past relationships. I don’t want to pull away or not let him have his arm around me in public, because I don’t care what anyone else thinks about us. But maybe it’s because it’s summer and that’s what makes everything feel so much more. I literally can’t go a day without seeing him and there hasn’t been one day since Spring Break that I haven’t seen him. He’s perfectly imperfect and I like it just that way.
I’ve come to a realization that being in a relationship with your “best friend” is kind of bullshit. At the time you’re together, yeah you could be each other’s best friends, and even after you break up you still might talk a lot, but it’s never really how it was when you two were actually together. No one would ever say it, but you care so much and talk all the time because you like that person as more than a friend, no one is ever like, “Oh my gosh, I totally want to make that person my best friend,” it’s always, “I wanna date him/her.” So when the actual relationship is over, you start to care a little less and talk a little less more each day. I’m not saying no one has ever been in love with their best friend, it’s just that once a couple breaks up, that best friend status between is close to follow.
I don’t know what I want with you, really I don’t even know we have right now, but I like it so much. I love just being around you and talking to you. You make me look forward to getting off work every night just so I can talk to you. I haven’t felt like that about someone in a while, getting all excited to just be able to talk. And everytime we do talk I can’t stop smiling. Tonight was so ideal, I couldn’t have written it any better myself.
